I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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