Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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