my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this will be a night to untag.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
