Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
