Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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