You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
