That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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