i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
