that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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