i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
