I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
