we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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