Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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