i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I will be naked everywhere
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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