he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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