we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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