I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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