i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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