i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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