Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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