Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were trust falling into bushes
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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