he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
