I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
