I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
