i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
