did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
