1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
