did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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