He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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