do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
