when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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