Just cropdusted the office
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
