We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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