I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
