I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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