Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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