I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
