Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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