I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
