ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
