I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
