We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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