he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
