dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
