I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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