I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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