that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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