Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
