It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
