so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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