i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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