i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
