The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize